


I'm Guilty of not Being Guilty

by thesunflowerwithin



Series: This Christmas 'Verse [2]
Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Barebacking, Break Up, Cheating, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Infidelity, M/M, Percy is an asshole I'm sorry, nico deserves better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-06 23:10:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13421604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesunflowerwithin/pseuds/thesunflowerwithin
Summary: Seeing Luke and Percy's affair through Percy's eyes, and then later seeing Luke's thoughts on the whole thing.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! So I thought I'd do this. It shows how the cheating went down, and why Nico was so shocked Jason agreed to hang out with Percy and Luke.

The first time it happened, Percy felt guilty. So guilty, that the moment Luke had left he had vomited all over the floor. He told Nico he had the flu, leading to Nico fussing over him and being so, so gentle the rest of the night. Percy wondered how he could be doing this to someone who loves him so, so much. 

But don’t get Percy wrong - he wasn’t pressed into the affair. He was an enthusiastic, consensual participant. He just hated that he was also doing this to Nico. Luke said this would be easiest, that when Nico finds out the proof will be there so he can’t accuse Percy of lying. 

Percy remembers the exact look on Nico’s face when Percy had kissed him mid-crush confession. Mouth slightly open, eyes bright, a bright red blush on his cheeks. Nico had spluttered before leaning in to kiss Percy again, his smile so wide it made it nearly impossible. They were fourteen then, and Nico thought Percy would be disgusted by him. 

Percy couldn’t let Nico think that by turning him down, could he? So they dated. And Percy admits that he’d fallen for Nico a little bit along the way too. When they were seventeen, he had gotten Nico a promise ring. 

“I promise to always love you, and only you. I hope to marry you someday, Nico, and this ring is a symbol of that.” Percy hadn’t been lying at the time. Nico had become his best friend, and what better person to marry than your best friend? 

Nico had taken the ring, a look of awe on his face. “Percy, of course! I’m in love with you, of course I’ll wear your promise ring.” 

And that. That’s where they differed. Percy loved Nico, he really did. But he wasn’t  _ in love _ with Nico. He let Nico lead him to his bedroom, and tried not to think too much when Nico muttered ‘ _ I love you, I love you, I love you _ ’ throughout the entire time they were having sex. 

Sex was different with Luke than it was with Nico. Maybe that’s why Percy agreed to keep it going. Sex with Nico wasn’t soft and slow, but it didn’t leave him breathless and sore all over like sex with Luke did. Maybe it was because he never bottomed with Nico, but it was different and it was such a  _ good  _ different that Percy didn’t want it to stop. 

The second time, Percy still felt guilty, but mostly he was high off the adrenaline. This wasn’t fucking against the door of the apartment Nico’s dad had bought them as a graduation present. This was having sex with Luke in the bed he and Nico shared, smelling Nico from that morning while Luke pushed into him from behind. The thought that Nico could come in at any moment and catch him sent such a fear through him that it made it exciting. 

The third time was at Luke’s. Percy told Nico that he had to work late, he had to work a double because someone called in sick. That was the first time Percy had topped Luke. and he couldn’t stop himself from having sex with Nico when he got home. The knowledge that he had just so recently been inside Luke was so hot that he was glad for his previous orgasm, or else he would have finished way too quickly. 

(He threw up again that night, after Nico had cuddled into Percy’s chest, whispering a quiet ‘ _ love you, so glad you’re mine,’  _ before drifting off to sleep.) 

The guilt sometimes overcame him in waves, but after the first couple of months it was hardly there. He would fuck Luke and then come home and make love to Nico. Or he’d have sex with Nico and then let Luke suck him off. 

Nico and Percy didn’t use condoms. They were each other's firsts, and had gotten tested just in case. He was adamant about using them with Luke, but soon it only happened if Luke was topping. 

Percy knew he was being a bad person. He knew that his mom would probably disown him for doing what he was doing, but he couldn’t stop. He was almost  _ addicted  _ to Luke, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t falling in love with the blonde. 

Luke was snarky, witty, and he wasn’t afraid to tell Percy off. He wasn’t afraid to get angry. He was the literal opposite of Nico, who had drawn into his shell more and more since Bianca died. Luke still knew how to be sweet like Nico as well. When Percy panicked about Nico possibly finding out, half-naked on Luke’s couch and sobbing, Luke would scoop him up in his arms and hold him until he calmed down, telling him that it’d be alright. 

Eventually the guilt had faded away completely. Percy suspected that Nico knew, because Nico was changing. He spent more time with his best friend Jason. He looked at Percy with sad eyes, and he started asking Percy if there was anything he wanted to change in the bedroom. 

Percy knew that Nico wouldn’t ask him directly. Nico wouldn’t be able to take the rejection that would come with that. So Percy told him he ‘read’ about some new position he’d like to try, and asked Nico about how he’d feel about letting Percy bottom. 

Nico didn’t say anything about how easily Percy took him, but Percy saw that Nico’s eyes had shattered just that much more. If Nico wasn’t at home, he was with Jason. Percy would think Nico was cheating on him as well, if he didnt see how Nico looked at him every day. 

After the first year, Luke had asked Percy to be his boyfriend. 

Percy said yes. 

Nico stopped asking where Percy was. He stopped asking about Percy’s work schedule. He stopped sleeping in the same bed as Percy and started crashing on the couch, feigning exhaustion made him pass out while working on something, or in some cases, crashing at a friend’s. 

Percy knew that Nico knew, yet neither of them said anything. 

Percy should have expected the fallout. 

It was his birthday, and Luke had come over with a present as a surprise. One thing had led to another, and soon they were in the bedroom, Luke showering the birthday boy with sweet words and sweeter kisses as he gently thrust into him, slowly stroking Percy’s cock at the same time. 

That’s how Nico found them, after pushing open the door with a timid “Percy? I brought your favourite Thai. I was thinking we could-”

Tears had welled in Nico’s eyes immediately, the Thai falling to the floor. Both Percy and Luke were too stunned to do anything more than stay completely still, Luke’s cock still nestled inside Percy’s ass. 

Nico had turned and ran, the apartment door slamming behind him. 

Percy felt a little bit guilty that he and Luke finished before trying to call Nico to explain. 

Nico didn’t answer their calls or come back to the apartment for two weeks. Percy was packing up his stuff to move into Luke’s when Nico stormed into the apartment, eyes wild and a long sleeved shirt on. Nico hadn’t worn long sleeves since Bianca passed.

Percy almost threw up. He couldn’t have made - No, he told himself, Nico wouldn’t do that over him. 

“We’re over,” Nico’s voice was strong, and Percy was impressed. “We’re over, and you can have your stupid ring back, and you have a day to get this all moved. The new tenant moves in tomorrow at three.” 

Percy didn’t have anything to say, so he just nodded, and Nico left in a flurry of movement, tearing the ring off, before Percy could do so much as blink. 

He didn’t expect Nico to be there the next day, pressing a blond boy up against the fridge, moaning into his mouth. At first he had thought the boy was Jason, but the blonde hair was much too curly. 

Nico pulled back, kissing the blond one more time. “I’ll see you later, okay Will?” The blonde had nodded and gave Nico’s butt a smack before leaving, a skip in his step. 

Percy couldn’t help the hypocritical tears that formed in his eyes. “I didn’t know you’d be here today,” he said. 

“It’s my apartment too,” Nico replied, “I’m helping the tenants move in, they asked for my help when I was singing the contract with my dad.” 

_ My dad _ . Nico had always just said ‘dad’, as though Hades had adopted Percy too. Not hearing it that way made Percy feel wrong. 

“Oh,” he said dumbly. “I just have these boxes here and then I’m gone.” 

“Good, I really wouldn’t want you here when my dad comes to switch the locks for them, that’d be bad for you.” 

Percy hadn’t left a place faster than he did that apartment. 

He felt like a terrible person for cuddling up to Luke that night, Nico the last thing on his mind. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke's thoughts.

Luke knew that being with Percy meant Percy being with Nico. Contrary to popular belief, Luke isn’t an idiot. 

The first time it happened, Luke was shocked. They were seventeen, and Luke  _ knew  _ that Nico was out somewhere wearing the promise ring Percy had bought. Hell, Luke was there when Percy picked it out! 

Luke didn’t expect for his impromptu kiss to end with Percy on his knees, Luke’s hand fisted in his hair as he eagerly bobbed his head along Luke’s length. Luke returned the favour and then went home in a daze, wondering if he really did just do that. 

He did, and he couldn’t bring himself to feel guilty about it. In fact, he jerked off to the image of Percy on his knees later that night. 

The thing is, Luke’s had a thing for Percy since sixth grade. And maybe, just maybe, learning that Percy’s father was some huge business owner sped up the crush a bit. Luke’s not some kind of gold digger, but not having to worry about money and if he’d have enough to keep his place would be great. And if that meant also being with Percy, it was a win-win. 

Luke’s mom used to be a great mom. His dad had ditched when he was just a baby, opting to be a bachelor instead of caring about his family. That’s when his mom’s breakdowns had started. She’d blame Luke. She’d yell at him and throw things one minute, and then be stroking his hair and feeding him cookies the next. It became too much, Luke couldn’t deal. He ended up begging an aunt to take him in, to get him out of there. 

He moved out the minute he could, sixteen with just a part time job. He did some questionable things to afford rent, but he was alone and he didn’t have to deal with the breakdowns anymore.

Well, his mom’s, anyway. He  _ hates  _ that in inherited her mental health. The littlest things set him off and he’d be so  _ angry _ , so full of rage that he had no idea what to do with. 

Percy helped with that. Percy wouldn’t take his shit. He’d look Luke in the eye and say, “Luke, you’re angry, you’re going to stop now. Breathe.” 

Luke would listen. 

It’s hard not to love someone who cares so much about you. Just because Luke also appreciates that Percy will be able to give him a home - a family - doesn’t make him a bad person does. The cheating does, but not wanting stability. 

And isn’t it real fucking ironic that he’s found stability in the guy he’s cheating with. But Percy is his rock, his calm whenever things got too much. He had Annabeth too, and even a few half-brother’s he’d connected with (how much did his dad get around,  _ jesus)  _ but no one made him feel as safe as Percy. 

He supposes he should feel bad for Nico. Nico, the kid who lost his sister to a fire that was deemed arson. Nico, the kid who’s been moon-eyed over Percy for longer than Luke has been. Nico, who still looked at his scarred arms in a way that says  _ wow, I did that _ . He should feel awful that he’s doing this, that he fucks Nico’s boyfriend before sending him home to fuck Nico. 

But he doesn’t. He knows Percy is going to leave eventually, and that they’ll have a future. Luke will have someone stable, someone who loves him fully, someone who can handle him and all his emotional constipation. 

And in his mind, it’s worth hurting Nico in the process. 

He guesses that makes him a terrible person. He can’t really bring himself to care. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Past abuse and neglect is in no way an excuse, but it serves as an explanation. If you or someone you know has suffered at the hands of a parent, or spouse, please call 1-800 422 4453 for a child abuse hotline or 1−800−799−7233 for domestic violence.


End file.
